I’m so sorry i wasn’t able to add a blog post last month, suffice to say this year is flying by and i have been caught up with so many things, including but not limited to, matching up tons of people from all throughout South Africa.
Moving forward, thinking of a topic for this blog post came as a bit of a challenge, as there are many pressing issues and topics in the world of single muslim people.
However i have decided that i would like this post to be about the role self love plays, in finding love and connecting in eternal happiness (In Sha Allah), with your twin soul.
So i have been playing matchmaker for a while now and i can honestly say that my intuitive skills have sharpened, much to my pleasure. I work with clients between the ages of 20 and 70 years old, helping them find love in either a private setting or a group capacity, and i have noticed that a vast number of them are suffering from either low self esteem or very little confidence. Why?, would be the question! Well, from my interaction with them, and from them sharing their past experiences with me, It is clear to say that many people have either been treated in a way that makes them feel terrible about themselves, to the extent they feel they aren’t good enough to be with anyone else, i.e – a cheating ex spouse, a mother that put them down whilst growing up, or, low self image that comes from their outward appearances, and not feeling beautiful enough or not being skinny enough. This latter one i think stems from society and what it deems as being beautiful, which most of the time focuses on outward beauty, sadly. Alot of the time i find the aforementioned makes them feel like they should give up on love. That is atleast, until someone gives them my contact details, and alhamdullilah i am proud to advise that after one chat with me, everything changes and i make them believe in them self again, and lets not forget to mention, love! Love is accessible to everyone, and after all, Allah created us in pairs, so there is someone for everyone, no matter their past or how they look.
Working with clients that have been affected with low self esteem or low self confidence really upsets me, as these people are the most kind hearted and generous souls, that carry so much beauty within, but because of negative past experiences or society, they feel inferior. Some of them suffer and think it is normal, or even worst, hope and pray Allah sends someone their way that will save them, so they will live happily ever after. If only that were true though, i mean who wouldn’t be keen on being swept off their feet by their knight in shining armor?! However, lets get back to reality and realize that we have the power to be our own knight in shining armor, in actual fact, we should be our own knight in shining armor.
So i guess this blog post is dedicated to all those beautiful souls out there that have encountered an obstacle or two in this thing called life, that may have made them lose a little bit of themselves. I want to give you all some precious advice on how working on, and improving self love can actually work in your favor in the quest for finding love.
- Firstly, after working with hundreds of clients, one of the top characteristics and traits they mention they are looking for in a spouse, is confidence. Well what is confidence?!, confidence is being grateful with what Allah has bestowed upon you, inside and out, internal and external. It is feeling content with the cards you have been dealt with, and celebrating them. Confidence is having the freedom to be yourself, with all your imperfections. It may take some work and time to get to that frame of mind, but it is completely worth it.
- Secondly, self talk plays a big part in self love. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself unconditionally. Try and be conscious off your negative inner voice, that we all have. And spin things positively. Listen to positive affirmations while you are at work or when you are at the gym.
- Thirdly, invest in yourself, take a walk on the beach alone, go for a massage, get your hair done. Do whatever makes you feel good inside, to the core. Eat healthy, spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself. Eradicate those that make you doubt yourself or that speak negatively about others, as they are only projecting internal issues they have.
- Fourth, enjoy me time. Afterall how can you expect someone to enjoy spending time with you, when you don’t even enjoy spending time with you.
- Fifth, If you feel stagnant or that you have issues or insecurities that you cannot deal with on your own, get some help. There is nothing to be ashamed of by getting help at various points in your journey, with things that you cannot deal with on your own. You can contact an imam, a professional like a psychologist, or a holistic healer such as a kinesioligist. I have contacts of some of the best in South Africa. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need a referral.
Those are just a few tips that i personally use in my day to day life that i can say from personal experience, has increased my self love and self esteem.
The goal is knowing that you are perfectly imperfect, but loving yourself unconditionally anyway. I promise you, once you have mastered these, you will notice a visible increase of people wanting to be around you for your positive energy. Loving yourself and being confident will open the doors of attraction to the opposite sex, for you. There is humans find more appealing about each other.
Thus i end of by reiterating the importanceof self love in the quest for finding love. We want to meet someone when our cups are full, not when they are empty. We don’t need a spouse to complete us as Allah created us as whole individuals. We want to attract those that compliment us and add value to our lives, as we compliment them and add value to theirs. The best love is an exchange of the most sacred things such as commitment, loyalty, compassion, understanding and support (only to name a few).
So love yourself and watch how quickly you attract someone that wants to love you, In Sha Allah Ameen.
Sending so much love and positive duas to all my clients, those reading this, and the Muslim Ummah at large.
Never forget, that, Allah is always with you.